Hi everyone! I am pleased to introduce the newest furry addition:

We haven’t yet named them since they were recently born, but I’m excited to celebrate Thanksgiving with such adorable bunnies. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I wanted to write a bit about things I’m grateful for amidst this tumultuous time. I hope you don’t mind! :)

I’m currently wrapping up my sophomore fall semester and I’m finding it to be a more grounded experience than my first-year fall, in terms of my mental and emotional health. As a first-generation student, my first-year fall semester was defined by unintentional family alienation, a teetering loss of identity, and the general feeling I was falling behind many of my peers. I was really sad but at the same time, really happy. It was a difficult terrain to navigate: was I simply optimistic or was I genuinely content? I’m still trying to figure it out, but I’m slowly learning to overcome certain stigmas I used to hold about mental health. 

Upon entering college, I was overwhelmed. There were so many resources, but I did not know how to use them. I was met with phrases like “finals week”, “office hours”, and “don’t hesitate to reach out”; I did not know what to ask for, because I did not know what existed and for what purpose. I was trying to understand what was asked of me as a college student academically and socially speaking, as I did well in general day-to-day living and extracurriculars. Although retrospectively it’s clear, at the moment I did not realize I had autonomy over my education; I did not realize how important an assignment of 30% meant and I could not find out how to track my grades. Socially, I felt like I was falling behind because it seemed like everyone already knew each other from previous programs or connections. 

I experienced a loss of identity because I was no longer as tightly tied to my Mexican family as before. Thanks to on-campus jobs and Harvard’s scholarships, I was financially stable. I could afford luxuries I never had, like weekly takeout, buying nice clothes, and even monthly travels outside of the city I resided in. I had a home that did not have leaking pipes and no heating system for winter. I was labeled as someone who was “climbing the social ladder”, and thus, no longer referred to as part of the community. In one of my first activities for a public service organization, I was tasked with cleaning a homeless shelter. We came in as “Harvard students”-- undergraduates who needed to see more of “the world”--but when I entered the shelter, I realized it was better kept than the apartment I spent ninety percent of my life in. This was the first (but not last) time I felt like a stranger both to the low-income community and the college student title. 

Family-wise, my mother, sister, and I are very close; I’d venture to say my entire family is rather close. When I applied to Harvard, I wrote about how my [extended] family heavily depended on my father to guide us through difficult times and how this responsibility would fall on me for the next generation. My family was proud that my pursuit of higher education stemmed from the desire to do my best for a collective “us”. However, they didn’t know what college entailed, so I was shut out of much of the family news once I “permanently” relocated to Massachusetts. Over the course of my first-year, my aunt and mother were hospitalized for dangerous health ailments and my family fell into collective depression. When I arrived back home for Thanksgiving last year, I was received with multiple tragic updates, and I had to grieve alone back at college. When COVID-19 pushed me to return home, I was pushed to quickly acclimate to the changes, including resentment from a hurt family that saw my leave for college as a betrayal. 

So I had gone through a couple of not-go-great times. Its a still updating battle. Thanks to a couple of really key advisors, I am taking a journey of mental health awareness. It’s been hard versing the stigma and letting go of my fears, but it’s brought me a new sense of happiness. There are so many resources for mental health! There are so many people undergoing changes too! I’m not alone, you’re not alone! Although the past year was rough, I am happy to call myself an optimist and I’m finding a new grounding on which to build my identity. I have many people I love surrounding me with great vibes. I am doing better academically, thanks to Harvard’s incredible Teaching Fellows and figuring out college lingo. And most crucially, thanks to this pandemic in part, I am rekindling many familial relationships. I’m excited for tomorrow, every day. :)