When I left for college, I thought the biggest changes would happen to me. I didn’t expect how much my relationships, especially with my family, would shift alongside that growth.

Before college, my family was my constant. They were the people who knew every version of me. Their experiences and parenting shaped my values, my work ethic, and my sense of responsibility. Our relationship was built on care, but also on unspoken expectations. We didn’t always talk about feelings or dreams in abstract terms; we talked about survival, sacrifice, and doing what needed to be done.

College changed how I viewed myself in relation to others. The language I had for myself shifted, and that inevitably changed how I spoke to my family.

Suddenly, I was learning new words: identity, boundaries, burnout, and imposter syndrome. I was being encouraged to ask questions, challenge ideas, and imagine futures that didn’t always fit neatly into the paths my family had envisioned for me. That growth was exciting, but it also created distance. Sometimes it felt like I was living in two worlds, translating myself back and forth.

There were moments of tension. Times when my independence felt like rejection. Times when my exhaustion was misunderstood as ingratitude. Times when I struggled to explain why college was both a privilege and a burden. Loving my family while learning who I was becoming wasn’t always easy.

But college also taught me empathy.

It helped me see my parents not just as authority figures, but as people shaped by their own limitations and sacrifices. It made me more aware of everything they carried, so I could be where I am today. Distance, both physical and emotional, gave me perspective. I learned how to listen more carefully, how to ask better questions, how to show gratitude in ways that weren’t just about success.

Our relationship didn’t weaken. It matured.

We learned new ways to stay connected. Short phone calls turned into meaningful check-ins. Visits home became moments of intentional presence. I stopped trying to be understood all at once and started meeting my family where they were, just as they were learning to meet me where I was.

College taught me that growth doesn’t mean leaving people behind. Sometimes it means renegotiating love andlearning how to honor your roots while still reaching for something new.

My relationship with my family is different now. It’s less about dependency and more about mutual respect. Less about expectations and more about understanding. And while that change was uncomfortable at times, it’s one of the most meaningful things college has given me.

I didn’t just learn how to think for myself. I learned how to love my family more intentionally.